I have discovered in the digital dating world it may be difficult to get someone’s attention, not to mention a response. The online world is much less confrontational than life. At the grocery store, if a man said “hello,” I would feel compelled to reply with a corresponding greeting. However, online, we are able to see a snapshot of someone’s presented self summed up in seconds with a picture and a few words. Therefore, this brief synopsis can help one determine whether they even wish to return a simple greeting. People seeking to meet someone and who have been at it for awhile are aware of this difficulty, and allow for it by coming up with some creative introductions.
With an active online profile, I have gotten a variety of messages, most of which contain some sort of personal touch in an attempt by the sender to get a response. Sometimes there are jokes posed, sometimes personal questions, sometimes intellectual arguments, but recently was my first time getting an insult. Maybe it wasn’t intended that way, but let me know what you think. Here is the message:
“You appear to have much going for you. Though I’m still confused by your ring finger (perhaps the pics were taken when you were still married)?
Anyways, I’m loath to give unsolicited advice but yet I feel compelled. You’re a journalist. That’s a profession getting a darker and hideously negative connotation these days. If you are part and parcel of the mainstream establishment media, I would strongly reconsider your present course. Seriously. If not, kudos.
Regardless, all the best and kind regards.”
My reply:
“That’s my right hand in the picture.”
This man, perhaps in an attempt to gain attention, actually suggested (without knowing me or the details of my work) that I abandon my career and find a new one. I noticed under the heading indicating his profession, it says “rather not say.” This leaves him closed to reciprocal comments. He made sure he wouldn’t be subjected to any criticism from me about HIS profession.
But look at what he accomplished. He got a reply from me AND an entire blog prompted by his blunt suggestion wrapped in a tactless masquerade of feigned “advice.” The state of mind he must’ve been in got me thinking about courting, wooing, and old-fashioned chivalry. I wonder, with the progressive feminist movement, this leaves men on the dating scene curious on how to accommodate modern women? I can’t speak for all women, but I can speak for myself and several women in my life I am close to. And here’s what these modern single ladies are looking for:
We never wanted you to stop opening the door, or giving us compliments, or picking up the tab when you’ve asked us out. We simply want to be recognized in our professional roles with value and appreciation for what our minds and ambition bring to the table. Don’t advise us to change our careers, and don’t tell us how to perform functions in our lives that don’t involve you. Let us go and be amazing at what we’ve studied for, worked at, and striven to perfect. Then when we’re out in the world, when we step out of the office into society on your arm, show the world that you are proud to be with a woman who is working toward goals to better her life. Show this to her and the world by reinforcing your awareness that with you, she is first and foremost a lady. Show her and others that she is a woman who deserves your attention and respect because of the dedication she’s given to other parts of her life. Believe me, with a woman who is worthy, you will get back what you put in ten times over.
So, let her be her. But, still pull out the chair.
